Disappointment

Disappointment. I have used that word more in the last few days than ever before in my life.

If I had posted last Tuesday, this is what you would have read...

- I've been training for a 5k, and finally got to where I could run multiple 1/4 mile stints - on par for where I need to be to run the 5k in October. Yay!

- I just started dance classes - ballet was awesome and jazz is coming up. So excited to feel at home in the dance studio. Feel my confidence and posture improving already.

- I'm walking 10,000-14,000 steps everyday. And, it's not that hard! Monday, Wednesday and Friday after school, I walk with my co-teacher and it's been wonderful to have that time to build our friendship and camaraderie in Christ.

- I'm feeling healthier than I've ever felt and while I'm not losing weight, I am feeling better and seem to be toning up.

And then, last Wednesday happened, and now I'm filled with disappointment. I was kicked by a student, which caused my kneecap to fracture. My reality now is: no 5k in October, no dance class till December or January, no bearing weight for several days, feeling the weight packing on despite trying to eat healthy and stick to a careful diet.

The past few days have been days of crying out to God in the disappointment. He and I have talked about how angry I am at the situation - how I was doing so good - doing what I thought He wanted me to in order to be healthy, and yet - everything came to a grinding halt.

Last night, as I was doing my Bible study, I came across a verse that spoke to me. It doesn't mean that I'm no longer disappointed, but, it means that I'm learning to deal with it.

"This then is how we know that we belong to the truth, and how we set our hearts at rest in his presence whenever our hearts condemn us. For God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything." 1 John 3:19-20

This verse spoke to me about how our feelings can be overwhelming and how we can listen to our feelings and forget the truth of God. But - God is greater than our heart - greater than our feelings - greater than our circumstances. So, in this time of frustration and disappointment - I am choosing to set my heart at rest and remain under His wing - knowing that He knows everything. I know I'll need that reminder a million times while I have to sit quietly and not do everything I like to do, but I'm going to try to keep that focus. I have posted those verses next to my couch, where I'm spending most of my time, in order to have the constant reminder that even in my hurt and disappointment, God is there.

Trying to focus on the positive in the next few days and keep myself focusing on how God sees this event in the grand scheme of all He has planned for my life rather than focusing on my disappointment in not getting to do things as I had planned them.

And - for those interested, I have decided that I'm not giving up on the running. I'm resting and waiting till i have doctors approval, but then, I am going to get back out and keep training. I won't be running this 5k, but that doesn't mean I won't be able to run one in January or in a few months from then. :)

Much love! :)