Well, after my trip to Upstate NY and Boston, I have neglected my blog. Instead of writing a million paragraphs about all that has happened and all that I've learned, I'll just bullet a few things.
- The PCOS diagnosis has been made officially. I also found out that I have a Vitamin D deficiency. I have already started medicine for the Vitamin D deficiency. The deficiency is not due to a lack of intake, but rather a lack of absorption - so that has to be investigated in the coming months to find out what's going on. I meet with the doctor again at the end of August, and after looking over the medicines and options these past few days, will decide what approach I would like to take. I like that I have had time to research, think and pray about what course of action to make in all of this.
- I have begun to be really careful about the food I eat. I have basically eliminated all fast food, because it is next to impossible to get what I need from fast food - and often, even from a regular restaurant. I am now picky when I do eat out - asking for whole wheat or for low carb options if no whole wheat options are available. I hate this, because it draws more attention to me, and yet, I understand that it's a must for me right now.
- Shopping now takes twice as long! But, the awesome thing that I'm finding is that my grocery stores actually carry whole wheat flour, whole wheat breads and even - whole wheat pizza crust! So, even though it takes a much longer time to prepare my own meals, I can pretty much find a way to cook anything I could crave using a whole wheat alternative. I even made a cake today with whole wheat flour and splenda instead of sugar. Jeff is coming over for dinner tomorrow and we will eat it then - I'll update after about how it turned out. I'm hoping it's wonderful. If so, I might start using whole wheat flour and Splenda for all of my cooking attempts, or at least as much as I can.
- As I've said before, Jeff is amazing! I know God puts events in certain order for a certain reason - and having Jeff in my life before this diagnosis has to be one of those things that was done intentionally. Even when I start to lose hope or feel really down or start worrying about the future and what it might hold, Jeff is able to keep encouraging me and reminding me of the truth of Scripture and just holds me through the tears that continue to come occasionally.
- As the school year starts, I seriously fear my ability to take care of myself. I already see how difficult it's going to be. I'm so thankful to have a teammate who constantly checks in on me and asks me every few hours if I've checked my sugar and if I've eaten. She's not going to let me not take care of myself. I also went ahead and talked to the school nurse so if there are any problems, she knows. I'm making it my plan to eat at certain points throughout the day and to check my blood sugar when I'm supposed to. I am such a care taker for everyone else - taking care of myself is hard - but it's necessary. Even if I don't like it.
- BTW, in case anyone wondered...our trip to NY and Boston was wonderful! I felt so blessed to get to spend 9 days with my sweetie. My family was interesting, but his family was amazing. They welcomed me in with open arms. By the end of the time with his family, I actually felt more comfortable with them than I did with some members of my own family. His Nana even said it was like I had always been a part of their family. :) Pretty much everyone said they were sure they'd see me again - and his dad even said at the end of the trip that he was really glad I had been able to come. It was a huge milestone for us and I'm so thankful that we were able to work it out.
Alright, well that's enough updates for now. I'll try to be better about updating than I have so far this month. It's been a bit crazy with getting ready for school, but I think once I get into the swing of school, I'll be better. I'm also hoping to start doing a study through the women of the Bible, focusing on women considered barren. I'm sure I'll share my thoughts about them and how God used them. It's something God has laid on my heart to really study, so I'm planning to start that this week.
God bless you all!
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Thursday, August 5, 2010
A whole bunch of craziness...
8 vials of blood later, the glucose tolerance test is finished...I really hope the doctor got the complete picture of my hormones, blood counts, etc. The test itself wasn't that bad. I went in, they took 4 vials of blood, gave me a really sweet (read: gross) orange drink that I had to drink in 5 minutes. After I drank it, I went back out to sit in the waiting room for an hour. I got called back in and they took 2 vials of blood at 1 hour. Then, since I was doing well (some people have sugar crashes or feel physically ill - but I was fine), I got to run errands around town - so I went and paid a bill before going back for the last blood draw. At the 2nd hour, they took 2 more vials and then I was done. I hope I'll find out soon what the blood work shows.
I had said in an earlier post that I had Squish and Little Bit (two little girls that are really special to me - one is 9 and one is 5) come visit me in New Bern. It was wonderful, but makes me glad I am not a mom right now. I am still a fan of having my own schedule and getting time to watch the shows I want or to talk to my friends on the phone when I want. They exhausted me every day - but we had so much fun too! I got to take them all around New Bern and take pictures with all the bears around town. Being with them did fan the flame of wanting to be a mom eventually. Little Bit called me mom several times on accident and each time, it was a bittersweet moment. I love that she felt so comfortable with me that it was like I was mom, but it was painful, because I don't know if I'll ever get to hear those words from my own little girl (or boy). One of my friends sent me a message this week on Facebook after seeing the pictures and said, "I know you will be a great mommy one day." It broke my heart.
I hate to keep dwelling on this fact - I'm sure anyone who reads this is tired of hearing it by now - but I want to be a mom. I have always wanted to be a mom. I know that I can adopt and God has been building that heart in me for a long time - but there is a part of me that doesn't want to consider that. I want to have my own child, the "old fashioned way". I don't want to struggle with this, but I'm still keeping it in perspective. There is a mourning process that comes along with any diagnosis (or so a million websites say). I think for me, this is part of that process of learning to accept it. Not accept that I'll never have kids - but learning to accept that I am now in the post-PCOS era of my life. And that this means changes - and change isn't bad.
I got my Insulin Resistance Diet book today. It was recommended by my doctor for a great way to start eating better for my body and the fact that it does not respond to insulin normally. The basic premise is that for every 15 g of carbs I eat, I should eat 7 g of protein - and I shouldn't eat more that 30 g of carbs at any one time. Simple enough in theory - in practice, we'll see.
On a semi-related note...this diagnosis has caused me to do a lot of re-evaluation. As such, I have decided to begin training for a 5k the week that school starts. Using the Couch to 5k Training plan, I should be ready to run a 5k the weekend before my birthday and that's the weekend of the 5k over the Neuse River Bridge by my apartment. I honestly don't know why I want to do the 5k - but I think a big part of it is that I've always been the non-runner, so having had my world turned upside down, I might as well go for something I never thought I could do! And what a great way to ring in my 25th year!!
On a completely unrelated note...tomorrow begins a huge adventure! Jeff and I are going on a trip together. We are first going to Upstate NY to see my family and to show him around where my parents grew up. On Tuesday, we'll leave NY and heading to Boston, Mass to meet up with his parents and sister and to visit his family for a few days. I'm so super excited for this time with him. I love that I'll get to be in the car with him and to have so much time to talk and continue building our relationship! :)
I had said in an earlier post that I had Squish and Little Bit (two little girls that are really special to me - one is 9 and one is 5) come visit me in New Bern. It was wonderful, but makes me glad I am not a mom right now. I am still a fan of having my own schedule and getting time to watch the shows I want or to talk to my friends on the phone when I want. They exhausted me every day - but we had so much fun too! I got to take them all around New Bern and take pictures with all the bears around town. Being with them did fan the flame of wanting to be a mom eventually. Little Bit called me mom several times on accident and each time, it was a bittersweet moment. I love that she felt so comfortable with me that it was like I was mom, but it was painful, because I don't know if I'll ever get to hear those words from my own little girl (or boy). One of my friends sent me a message this week on Facebook after seeing the pictures and said, "I know you will be a great mommy one day." It broke my heart.
I hate to keep dwelling on this fact - I'm sure anyone who reads this is tired of hearing it by now - but I want to be a mom. I have always wanted to be a mom. I know that I can adopt and God has been building that heart in me for a long time - but there is a part of me that doesn't want to consider that. I want to have my own child, the "old fashioned way". I don't want to struggle with this, but I'm still keeping it in perspective. There is a mourning process that comes along with any diagnosis (or so a million websites say). I think for me, this is part of that process of learning to accept it. Not accept that I'll never have kids - but learning to accept that I am now in the post-PCOS era of my life. And that this means changes - and change isn't bad.
I got my Insulin Resistance Diet book today. It was recommended by my doctor for a great way to start eating better for my body and the fact that it does not respond to insulin normally. The basic premise is that for every 15 g of carbs I eat, I should eat 7 g of protein - and I shouldn't eat more that 30 g of carbs at any one time. Simple enough in theory - in practice, we'll see.
On a semi-related note...this diagnosis has caused me to do a lot of re-evaluation. As such, I have decided to begin training for a 5k the week that school starts. Using the Couch to 5k Training plan, I should be ready to run a 5k the weekend before my birthday and that's the weekend of the 5k over the Neuse River Bridge by my apartment. I honestly don't know why I want to do the 5k - but I think a big part of it is that I've always been the non-runner, so having had my world turned upside down, I might as well go for something I never thought I could do! And what a great way to ring in my 25th year!!
On a completely unrelated note...tomorrow begins a huge adventure! Jeff and I are going on a trip together. We are first going to Upstate NY to see my family and to show him around where my parents grew up. On Tuesday, we'll leave NY and heading to Boston, Mass to meet up with his parents and sister and to visit his family for a few days. I'm so super excited for this time with him. I love that I'll get to be in the car with him and to have so much time to talk and continue building our relationship! :)
New Name
I am getting ready to go to my blood test - the one that should confirm the diagnosis of PCOS, but before I do I wanted to share a quick blurb from a conversation I had with my amazing Meggie. I was sharing how there was a bit of shame every time I had to say the name Poly Cystic Ovary Syndrome because it says something is wrong with my ovaries - part of my reproduction system. And it really frustrates me, because the problem starts with insulin, not ovaries. I ranted about it for a minute, and she said that I should come up with a new name. And I should practice that name over and over and over again until I could say it with a straight face. And then when I have to share about it, I could say, "I have My Body Hates Me Syndrome." And play it off nonchalantly. I seriously might have to try it.
Thanks Meggie for the laugh and for the wonderful time together yesterday - I needed it and so appreciated it! Hope you enjoyed it too!
I have lots more I want to update on, but that will have to be after I go get leeched. And I just have to say it's annoying how I rarely eat breakfast, but on the day I have to fast, of course, I wake up starving!!
Thanks Meggie for the laugh and for the wonderful time together yesterday - I needed it and so appreciated it! Hope you enjoyed it too!
I have lots more I want to update on, but that will have to be after I go get leeched. And I just have to say it's annoying how I rarely eat breakfast, but on the day I have to fast, of course, I wake up starving!!
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